Saturday, October 5, 2013

Like A Boat Drifting On The Water

It's been a little over a year since I've posted here.  As I read through some of my old posts I feel as if I'm reading another person's blog.  Every thought she wrote strikes a chord within me.  I remember the emotions she felt when she wrote it.  I remember the guilt and how discouraged she felt when she binged or when she took a small bite of something "toxic".  I remember how she told herself what a failure she was.  She had never succeeded at anything so what made her think she'd succeed at becoming healthy?

I cried for her.  I wanted to reach out to her and tell her to be patient that she actually was succeeding.  I wanted to ease her pain and the guilt she felt.  I wanted to tell her how worthy she is to be healthy and happy.  But, then, I realized, I'm the one who wrote it...

It's like the, "boat drifting on the water" scenario.  I felt like I was getting absolutely nowhere.  I was running in place.  I countered every good thing I did with something bad.  And, that's all I focused on; everything I was "failing" at.  However, there was/is one thing that I was/am pretty persistent/consistent with - I NEVER GAVE UP.  Because of that, I AM succeeding!  

I talk as if I've finished my journey but I'm right in the middle of it.  I'm 160 lbs. down and becoming healthier.  My mind and body have changed so much, I can hardly believe I'm, me...

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