Today is the first day of my 30 days of raw venture! YAY ME! I have been wanting to do a juice-fast but I just don't think I can commit to that right now. Since eating raw fruits and vegetables has the same results but just a slower process, I thought this is something I can definitely do.
A few months ago I started seriously thinking about commitment. I had avoided it in just about every aspect of my life and just the very thought of it made me cringe. Someone might call me on a Monday and ask me to have lunch with them on Friday and my response would be, "Call me on Friday and we'll see." And, if I did commit myself to something, I'd fret over it because then I definitely would have to honor my commitment to someone else. I just couldn't honor a commitment to myself. for what seems all my life, I had failed at anything I attempted to do. Not only with diets but with everything! One day I would be gunge-ho and the next day I would be so depressed I could hardly get out of bed. Eventually, I was at the point where I stopped making commitments. I wouldn't commit to a relationship; I wouldn't commit to bettering myself; I wouldn't commit to taking someone to the store!
What bothered me most was that I wanted to go back to God but I was so afraid of failing that I could not make the commitment. I would pray occasionally asking for help to return to Him but deep in my heart I felt I would fail and that He would get tired of me asking and eventually would tell me to go away.
I have learned a lot since then. My thinking has evolved and I understand more clearly what I have done to myself emotionally. I need not fear commitment or failure. I'm doing better and making small commitments that I know I can accomplish. 30 days of eating 100% raw is one of them. :o)